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Corny joke thread
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Kieran Offline
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Corny joke thread
Doctor says to patient: "sorry to give you bad news, but you don't have long to live."

The Patient sits down: "Oh no, that's terrible! No! How long do I have?"

The doctor says, "ten."

"Ten? Ten what? Weeks? Months? Years? Ten what?!"

The doctor continues: "Nine...eight...seven..."
29-Jul-2013 06:11 AM
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johnsteinbeck Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
wonderful idea for a thread. the next one isn't as good, maybe not as corny, and definitely in worse taste:


Doctor says to patient: "i'm sorry, but i've got two pieces of news - one bad, the other worse. which one do you want to hear first?"

The Patient: "oh wow... uhm, the worst, i guess"

The doctor says, "I'm sorry, but you have cancer."

The Patient: "Cancer? oh my god.." The patient takes a moment to recollect himself "Alright then, what's the other news?"

The doctor: "I'm afraid that you also have Alzheimer's."

The Patient: "Alzheimer's? oh wow. well... at least it's not cancer."
(This post was last modified: 29-Jul-2013 07:03 AM by johnsteinbeck.)
29-Jul-2013 07:02 AM
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Kieran Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
Doctor says to patient, "I have some good news and bad news."

"Better give me the bad news first," says the brave patient.

"Okay. You have days to live and you'll die in excruciating agony."

Patient sits down in shock. "Sheesh! So, what's the good news?"

"Well, see the sexy receptionist on your way in here? She's my girlfriend." Big Smile
29-Jul-2013 07:13 AM
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Moxie629 Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
29-Jul-2013 07:28 AM
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Kieran (07-29-2013)
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RE: Corny joke thread
(29-Jul-2013 07:28 AM)Moxie629 Wrote:  A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Big Smile

A bear walks into the same bar and the says, "I'll have a..."

And the same barman asks..."Why the long paws?" :snigger
29-Jul-2013 08:22 AM
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Didi Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
A coast guard cop catches Nalbandian walking around the beach and yells at him - 'Good lord, this is not a freaking nudism beach, get out of here jerk, don't you see all the children around you?' Nalbandian, totally outraged and misunderstood, pulls up his massive belly - 'Don't you see my slip?'
-------------------------------------------------------
A mean one - what's great about Alzheimer? You get to know new friends every single day.
(This post was last modified: 29-Jul-2013 09:08 AM by tented.)
29-Jul-2013 08:43 AM
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Kieran (07-29-2013)
1972Murat Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license!
They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription. "

29-Jul-2013 05:40 PM
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Moxie629 Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
(29-Jul-2013 08:22 AM)Kieran Wrote:  
(29-Jul-2013 07:28 AM)Moxie629 Wrote:  A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Big Smile

A bear walks into the same bar and the says, "I'll have a..."

And the same barman asks..."Why the long paws?" :snigger

A rabbi walks into a bar with a talking frog on his shoulder, and the same astonished bartender says: "That's amazing! Where'd you get it?" Frog says: "Brooklyn. They got hundreds of 'em."
29-Jul-2013 05:58 PM
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Clay Death Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
cool thread.

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29-Jul-2013 06:00 PM
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Moxie629 Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
What do you call a deer in your backyard with his eyes poked out?

No-eyed deer.

What do you call a deer in your backyard with his eyes poked out and legs cut off?

Still no-eyed deer.

What do you call a deer in your backyard with his eyes poked out, legs cut off and (*ahem*) neutered?

Still no "effing" eyed deer.

(That one is really cruel and stupid, and it always makes me laugh. You wanted corny!)
29-Jul-2013 06:04 PM
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1972Murat Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
A catholic priest, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says " What is this, a joke?"...

29-Jul-2013 06:21 PM
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Clay Death Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
we needed a joke thread.


we also need a travel thread who is going to fire that one up?

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29-Jul-2013 06:25 PM
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britbox Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea.
29-Jul-2013 06:37 PM
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Moxie629 Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
(29-Jul-2013 06:37 PM)britbox Wrote:  What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea.

I think you might win for corniest! Did your kids tell you that one? Two I got from my nephews:

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

I have to buy a new bottom.

Why?

This one's got a crack in it.

Lay Down Laughing

I have to admit, I'm a sucker for a corny joke. I love this thread.
29-Jul-2013 07:21 PM
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Clay Death Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
(29-Jul-2013 06:37 PM)britbox Wrote:  What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs?

An elephant with diarrhea.



that is corny.

and nasty.

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29-Jul-2013 07:22 PM
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Moxie629 Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
OK, this is actually a good one:

Moses came down from the mountain, and he said, "I have good news and bad news."

"The good news is I got him down to 10. The bad news is: adultery is still in."
(This post was last modified: 29-Jul-2013 07:29 PM by Moxie629.)
29-Jul-2013 07:27 PM
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Clay Death Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
what did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

hold on to your nuts....this aint going to be no ordinary blow job.

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(This post was last modified: 29-Jul-2013 07:52 PM by Clay Death.)
29-Jul-2013 07:36 PM
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Moxie629 Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
(29-Jul-2013 07:36 PM)Clay Death Wrote:  what did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

hold on to your nuts....this aint going to be no ordinary blow job.

I suppose I asked for that with my "stick" joke. That's pretty bad. Smile
29-Jul-2013 08:13 PM
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Clay Death Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
my joke was excellent princess moxie.

your joke was just plain corny.
translation: it was bad.


that will cost you 3 jokes. now you need to come up with 3 good jokes.

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29-Jul-2013 08:55 PM
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Moxie629 Offline
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RE: Corny joke thread
(29-Jul-2013 08:55 PM)Clay Death Wrote:  my joke was excellent princess moxie.

your joke was just plain corny.
translation: it was bad.


that will cost you 3 jokes. now you need to come up with 3 good jokes.

Oh, don't even kid yourself. My Moses joke rocks. Your joke...not so much. Try again. I'm way ahead of you. I know they're supposed to be corny, but I'm pretty sure that style points are given for good ones. Smile So far, you don't have any. LOL!
29-Jul-2013 09:21 PM
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